Genesis 28:15
“Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”
Have you ever gone against your intuition and regretted it later? Before I learned to always follow my intuition, I allowed other factors to influence my decisions. Sometimes it would be people other times it would be my feelings.
A Time To Reflect
It was the tenth anniversary of my mother’s death and my weekend to myself, so I was free to do anything. I started the day like all the others since losing her, by remembering the good times. As the day went on, I had an overwhelming feeling to stay at home that night and just as I decided to stay home, I received my first call.
It was easy to decline because I was feeling at peace with my decision. I spent the next hour searching for something entertaining to watch without success. I was starting to think about the fun I would miss, but that feeling of staying home rose again. My second call came shortly after that. This time I could hear the excitement in her voice, and I got a little excited too, but I still turned down the invitation.
The Breakdown Begins
Boredom settled in and it overtook me. I started to think of the fun I would miss and contemplated going out for an hour or so. That same feeling that I should just stay home returned but this time I ignored it. I began thinking about what I could wear, and I had the perfect white dress. I recently borrowed it from my cousin and hadn’t had a chance to wear it. I was rocking my natural hair with confidence so there wasn’t much stopping me. Then just like magic my friend called again this time I accepted the invitation, but I wanted to drive.
Let’s Get It Started
If I drove, I could determine the time we would leave. I got dressed and I was on my way to what I thought would be a night of fun. We decided to hit up a party a friend of a friend was throwing. Thirty minutes after arriving I wished I would have just stayed home. The club was too packed and there was no place to sit. Dancing was almost impossible. After fighting through the crowd, I was stopped by a handsome, chocolate man.
His conversation was weak so I knew there was no way I would give him my number. As he leaned in to ask me one last question the bill of his hat knocked my contact lens out. I knew there was no hope of finding it in there. It was time to go.
From Bad To Worse
On our way home we stopped by my favorite spot. It was a slow night, so we just had a drink and left. I did not want to end the night alone, so I was looking for the next event when it happened. As I was texting, I came to a red light without fully paying attention and treated it as a stop sign. I immediately recognized what I had done but the problem was a police officer saw it too.
Within minutes I was pulled over and as you guessed it, I was on my way to jail. It did not stop there. After I arrived at the police station the little buzz I had was completely gone. Once the booking officer discovered I was a nurse he attempted to make small talk. I guess public servant to public servant. I only had one question for him, if he thought I was intoxicated. His answer shocked me because I thought all police officers stuck together. He said no but there was nothing he could do because he was not the arresting officer.
About 30 minutes later I was taken to the local hospital to have my blood drawn. After I hired an attorney, I found out the arresting officer reported I told him I was under the influence of Xanax. I thank God that the blood sample proved his lie, and my blood alcohol level was not over the limit. The officer would even fail to show up for court. I thought I was going to get off lightly, but it happened on a no refusal weekend so there would have to be some form of punishment.
There’s Always Consequences
I received a deferred adjudication and after completing all requirements there would be no record of my offense. This not only cost me a lot of time, but it hit my pockets hard too. Most importantly I learned a valuable lesson that night that replayed in my head for months to come.
There have been many nights that I had no idea how I made it home. My decisions were centered around having fun without limits and there were no limits to the amount of shots I would take with my girls. I even had a Patron cake one year for my birthday. But the night I got arrested I was basically sober and able to remember every detail. I always thought that this was God’s way of waking me up.
He wanted me to see the error in my ways. That I was leading myself down a path of destruction. For me to learn my lesson He needed me to remember this event for the rest of my life. No amount of alcohol can take away the pain and loneliness you feel inside. Plus, those moments of fun often resulted in a terrible hangover the next day.
Restoration
He needed me to see that His hand was always on me even when my choices were not so good. Looking back, I can see all the ways He kept me. I am grateful for each moment because they led me back to Him. Every bad decision showed me just how much I was not in control of my life. Nine years later I no longer drink alcohol. My relationship with God is the strongest it has ever been and only gets stronger daily.
I’m finally comfortable in my own skin. I no longer need alcohol to give me the confidence that was always inside of me. Occasionally the desire to drink returns. In those moments I remember all the horrible decisions I made while drinking so it quickly passes by. I know that I am in control of my flesh and not the other way around.
No matter what mistakes you have made in the past or may be making currently, nothing is too big for God to fix. If He was able to take my brokenness and heal me of passed hurts, He will do it for you. Take all your struggles to Him, He has the tools to fix them. My journey continues…