Psalm 68:5
Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.
As a single mother of two boys I have grown accustomed to hearing “why can’t I”. No matter what it is, my youngest son wants to do anything his older brother does. Why can’t I ride my bike without training wheels? Why can’t I walk to school by myself? Why can’t I walk Coco? Normally I give him an explanation which usually satisfies his spirit until I was left speechless.
Speechless
One Friday as my oldest son left for a weekend with his dad, the “why can’t I” questions started again. This time I had no explanation to make him feel better. His question was “why can’t I go to my dad’s house?” I knew this day would come but it still hurt to hear him ask. I never wanted my children to experience the same pain I felt with having an absent father. After I found my words all I could say was I did not know.
There was no way I could tell him that his father promised not to be involved if I ended the relationship. Remembering the pain, I faced during childhood from hearing all the things my father did not do to support us. I know my mother just wanted to get her point across, but it left me feeling unworthy of my father’s love and support.
Breaking Cycles
Life taught me the valuable lesson; you will never have to tear someone down to build yourself up. This is not my ideal situation, but I refused to repeat the cycle. His eyes will be opened in due season when it comes to his father just as mine were. Some of the pains we experience in life helps us handle future situations with grace.
I am also thankful a child’s attention span is so short that within minutes he is on to a different topic. I believe children will dwell on the things that we dwell on. Instead of focusing on his dad’s absence on our weekends alone I plan special outings and relax a bit more.
Enjoying The Moment
It’s my excuse to take a break from the normal house rules and let my hair down. The questions still come up occasionally, but instead of just telling him I don’t know, I pray over the situation. Praying for his father has helped me release the anger I once felt towards him. God works in mysterious ways the very thing that you resist the most becomes the thing that heals you. When you apply His principles, unexpected healing takes place. Your life is in good hands with God.
My faith tells me that one day my son will receive the father of his dreams. Until that time comes, I will continue to magnify all the ways God made him special and teach him to appreciate what we have.
We Have More Than Enough
My two wonderful brothers have been more than uncles to him . He wants to be just like his uncles when he grows up. Focusing on all the things that you have it leaves little time to think about what is not there. Lastly, I realize with God you will always have everything you need when you need it. My journey continues…
