I know it’s a bold title, but I really want to get my point across to those who need to read this. If this blog can help one person leave a position of comfort that is slowly killing their spirit, I have accomplished my task.
I believe that comfort should be divided into two different zones. The first zone is a place of peace that you can turn to during a difficult time or after a hard day’s work. This is your happy place where you can truly be yourself and tune out the outside world. I feel this is your freedom zone, a place you are free to be you without lack. I’m not going to focus much on this zone because in order to get here you must learn to stay out of the dead zone.
The second zone is a place that we turn to out of fear of what the future holds, or we become tired of the hard work that comes along with change, or we get tired of waiting for our desires to be manifested. This is a zone we know does more harm to our lives than good, but we are comfortable here. This includes but is not limited to staying involved in a toxic relationship, remaining in a position or job where you see no growth, or re-opening doors that should have remained closed forever. This comfort zone, for clarity I will refer to it as the dead zone, the place where dreams go to die. Comfort is the main reason people remain in the dead zone.
I can remember myself making all kinds of excuses to remain involved in toxic relationships because I was comfortable. It’s like I believed the more problems we went through together the stronger our love and connection was becoming. Yes, I know it’s a morbid way to think but hey I was broken. It took me a while to understand that these types of relationships slowly kill your spirit. That is why after we encounter certain people, we feel so drained, negative energy is draining.
No length of time that you have known someone or been involved in a relationship with is worth losing yourself. Being lonely was my biggest problem when it came to re-opening doors that should forever remain closed.
These forbidden conversations are always great in the beginning and even hanging out feels good then you slowly start to notice the dirt they begin to track onto your peace. Then once again you are left cleaning up the mess and forcing that door closed again. The problem with this is sometimes the other person tries to keep their foot in the door and won’t let go. Now you must decide whether you should move, change your number, or get a new job just to shake them.
I had to come up with a plan to finally end this cycle. Before calling someone because I “feel” I miss them I would ask myself what would calling this person add to my life. If I could not think of enough positive things that they would add I knew that I had to resist falling back into that dead zone. When you think of these reasons think long and hard because the mind loves to play tricks on you when you are missing someone. Naturally we focus on all the wonderful things and that’s where we usually stop but keep going. Keep going until you start remembering the problems you all had and ask yourself is calling this person worth potentially experiencing these problems again.
This was difficult in the beginning, but I would just repeat don’t allow temporary loneliness to cause you unnecessary problems. Even though I resisted reopening closed doors the loneliness could be overwhelming at times. I knew I had to come up with more ways to combat the loneliness while I wait on my soul mate.
I took a moment to discover the times I felt the most alone which was usually when I first got home from work or at bedtime. I went even deeper to gain understanding why these events made me feel alone. I could have had an amazing day at work but when I would arrived home I felt alone and low. I would meditate and pray for God to remove this feeling from me but each evening it remained until one night. That night the Holy Spirit spoke to me so clearly, I was moved to tears. I heard look around you have everything that you say you are missing. During this time, I was focused on everything I was missing from my soul mate that I couldn’t see they were not missing from my life. I remember thinking how I couldn’t wait to have my soul mate be excited to see me after work without recognizing how my son’s face lights up when he sees me arrive to the daycare. I failed to see how overjoyed my dog becomes each time she hears the garage go up or how she trips over herself trying to jump on me as I walk up the stairs. I also failed to see how every evening my oldest son would ask me about my day. I felt so ungrateful in that moment I don’t think I asked God for anything for weeks I only expressed gratitude. I have learned to focus on the things that I do have instead of what I am currently missing. I don’t even have to worry about being alone at night anymore because my youngest son has decided to start sleeping with me again, but we are working on that. I urge you to take a moment to look around to see if you have some of the things you are seeking.
The final thing that helps me resist the urge to return to the dead zone is knowing my purpose and holding on to my vision for my future. Matthew 6:33 became one of my favorite verses and I remember reciting it to myself. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and these things will be added to you.” I first obtained a glimpse of my purpose when I started seeking my secrets from heaven in meditation not realizing it was just the beginning. As I continued to seek God’s face, I begin to learn more about myself and my purpose. I believe that knowing my purpose has helped me make better choices when it comes to waiting and being lonely. I no longer wanted to risk being connected to the wrong person because I realized how much this could harm my future. Looking back over my past relationships and looking at my life currently I can see how unequal we were for each other. I have been able to process the lessons from my failed relationships and release everything else. I encourage everyone to seek to understand their purpose because it provides you with knowledge of what is appropriate for you or not. 1 Corinthians 10:23 says we are free to do all things, but everything isn’t beneficial. Purpose helps you define those things that are not beneficial which saves you time and potential heartache. It also helps you recognize those who are connected to your destiny. Now that I have entered my freedom zone as I wait for my soul mate, it’s time to gain freedom in every area of my life. My journey continues…
